SHOULD I STAY, OR SHOULD I GO?

What should I do? Should I leave him and move on, save myself, or is there still a way to fix our relationship and help him stand on his own again? - Mrs. Desperada

Dear Ms. M,

Even before the pandemic, my husband and I have been struggling to make ends meet. He had lost his job since the onset of the lockdown, and now that he is unable to find work, instead of helping me save, he turned to vices such as smoking and drinking. To make matters worse, he suddenly learned to gamble, and I fear it turned into an addiction! We have no children, and I do not want to be burdened by someone like him, but at the same time, I love him, and he has been my boyfriend since college. On the one hand, I want to help him, but on the other hand, I feel that since we are both in our early 40s, he could be too broken for me to fix to the point that our problems have been affecting my mental health and even my job now!

What should I do? Should I leave him and move on, save myself, or is there still a way to fix our relationship and help him stand on his own again?

Mrs. Desperada

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Dear Mrs. Desperada,

At some point in our life, we endure some hardship. It could be personal; it could be financial, change, or forced into change. I will provide you some insights as to how to prepare for the course of action to take. In your case, as the partner for life, financial frustration is already affecting yourself and your relationship with him. It brings with it more problems and suffering, and pretty soon, it will leave you with only two options. Change or be forced into change. Change can be challenging to do, especially when negativity surrounds you, but if you decide willingly to change your circumstances, you can. It is human nature to need to be continually growing and evolving. If you are stagnant and stuck in a routine for too long, what happens? Well, most of the time, you get a feeling of boredom, a desire for change, or despair that comes from being in a stalled state of progression.

You might ask what’s the process for being able to endure and overcome? As you probably already know, no one strategy will work for everyone, just as there is (usually) no quick-fix solution for the various hardships that come into your life. There are, however, specific ways you can choose to perceive the realities you are facing; acceptance, feel, and listen.

Acceptance:
It is imperative to accept external reality and internal reality with thoughts, emotions, and more

Feel:
Allow yourself to feel what comes through while allowing your emotions to go through their natural process.

Listen:
When was the last time you indeed sat down with no distractions. Take a moment each day to look inside yourself and hear what your higher consciousness has to say. Don’t think, don’t wonder—listen.

After you’ve taken the time to sit back, reflect, and clarify your current circumstances, it’s time to start moving forward. After all, how can you expect to overcome a challenging situation in your life if you don’t move?

Find inspiration in your life - Inspiration brings hope and desire, which also brings positivity.

Strategy – Once you have a positive attitude and desire inside you, it’s the perfect time to come up with a
plan from your current situation. The key here is to decide to move forward consciously and have a concrete action plan to follow.

Take Action – This is one of the most prominent pieces of advice people can give. You know it, I know it, we
all do, but it’s easier said than done. It’s easy to say “take action,” but it’s not easy to follow that advice. Why is that? Many factors can come into play here, but beyond the obvious (that you may stress, tired, moody, and depressed), there is another reason, a more profound sense that holds most people back. Almost everyone should picture some form of a positive outcome in their minds, but when it comes to taking action and making an actual change, very few of us follow through. We end up enduring until our emotions settle down, and we continue on the same path, which led to our current circumstances in the first place.

If you want to overcome it, not just endure, you need to start changing your status quo. Discover and pursue a life that brings progress and positive changes to your world. Surround yourself with people who care about you, want the best for you, and believe in you. The most crucial factor is to remember that you’re not alone. Sometimes, it may seem easier to cope and put on a happy face, but it’s not. Remember, the decision is yours to make. Good luck with your relationship journey. There is light for you at the end of the tunnel.

Love and light,
Ms. M

Real change happens when you fully embrace the relationships and connections around you.

Dear Ms. M is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. By submitting a letter, you agree to let The Spotlight Media Entertainment magazine use it—in part or in full—and we may edit it for length or clarity.